May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
