Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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