its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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