cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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