Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
