Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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