It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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