just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
