We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
