I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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