OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
