I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
