my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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