and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
COCAINE IS GR8
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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