I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
