At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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