Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
