i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
