Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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