Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
