I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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