Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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