remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
worst night to have a conscience
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
