somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
sarcasm needs its own font
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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