I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
