Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
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she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.