if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
