btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
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New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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