we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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