:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She bit a glass in half.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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