Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
