I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
