I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
