Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
