belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
