just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
