How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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