everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
