Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize