yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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