it's too hot outside to masturbate.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
