Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I need moral support for this bender
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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