there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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