Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
