I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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