um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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