Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
