Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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