Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
