Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
