I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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