if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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