According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
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now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
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The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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