hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
