I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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