Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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