her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
