shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
