Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
