I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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