Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
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Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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