so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
