It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I faked an abortion last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
