Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
