and she was petting her beer can
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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