Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
