wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
