Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
