i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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